Our time in the wilderness

I have not been blogging because the wobbles have continued. It has been our time in the wilderness, and it is hard to find tome to share when things are like that. Don’t feel bad, it isn’t personal. I haven’t really done much of anything!

Like many of these hard times, it was easy to blame myself, to start looking to gurus and thinking “its because of too much TV, not enough freedom, not saying yes enough, letting them get away with too much….” When things are going well, its easy to be ‘queen of your domain’, to make the rules up as you go along. But once things don’t go well, that lack of a label can sometimes feel like parenting suicide. So, yes, I started doubting and looking for the saviour who was going to make it all better. Luckily I didn’t find them, because I would never learn to keep trusting myself if I had.

Also like many of these hard times, it all made sense when I found the reason. And this was a simple line in a book:

Philosopher and Developmental Psychologist Jean Piaget described the stages of child development to be on a pendulum. Children, because they grow so quickly, will go from in a state of balance to a state of disequalibrium and back again.

Ginger Carlson

Of course. Both of them are making huge mental and physical leaps at this time. That is why its all so crazy. That’s why they aren’t sleeping (did you know growth occurs mostly  at night?) That’s why they fractious and need so much attention.

The lesson – it isn’t always about me! There is – of course – better and worse things I could do to deal with this, but I can’t make it easy for them. On some level, growth is always hard. This is their journey, and we just have to weather it, whatever way we can.

Realising what is going on makes it all so much easier to deal with. Realising it isn’t all about me frees me to stop looking for an answer.

Time in the wilderness isn’t fun, but it does bring some gifts. I hope to share some of those with you soon.


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